Monday, February 21, 2011

Monthly Update: 25

Dear Foster,

Today is President's Day and you are 25 months old.

I thought I  might stop updating this blog every month now that you're two, because usually a child's development starts to slow then.  I mean, you're walking and talking.  What else is there to say, right? 


I could write a blog each day just about the stuff that comes out of your mouth!

For instance, the way you say truck.  KOO-WA.  It used to be GOO-WA, so you've developed the "k" sound, and sometimes it even comes out, KOO-WAK. 

You're getting warmer.

Then there's, BOO-TEES, which is what you call my breasts and anything having to do with them.  Boobs are BOO-TEES.  Bras are BOO-TEES.  Even panties are BOO-TEES.

While I'm on the subject of private parts, you are very interested in yours, and in who has and hasn't got one.

"Dada has penis?"

That's right, Foster, Daddy has a penis.

"Mama has penis?"

No, Mama doesn't have a penis.  Only boys have a penis.  Mama is a girl.

"Boys has penis."

That's right, all boys have a penis.

Thankfully, no one other than me and your daddy are ever brought up in this conversation.  But, if Grandma was, she would be BA-WA, a variation of BA-BOO-WA, which is what you used to call her.  And, Grandpa has evolved into PA-PA.

Another obsession you have is who has shoes on and who doesn't, and what has wheels and what doesn't.  I have no idea why shoes and wheels are so interesting.  They just are.

"Super Why has shoes on."  "Dada has shoes on."  "Mama has shoes off."  "Me shoes off."

"That's right, Bud, Super Why has blue shoes on.  Daddy has to wear shoes to work.  Mama's bare foot.  Do you want your shoes off too?

"Airplane has wheels."  "Heater has wheels."  "Table has wheels."

Yes, airplanes do have wheels.  They go fast when the airplane is on the ground.  You can't see them now because the airplane is flying up in the sky...

It's exhausting keeping up with you.  Just as we're in the middle of explaining the wheels on an airplane, the little wheels in your head start to turn and you're on to the next thing...

"Airplane big.  It gone be loud!"

You get the "gone be" honestly.  That's my southern twang coming out.  The southern twang I will deny until the day I die.  I'm from Florida.  I DO NOT have a southern accent.  I just happen to say things short-hand like.

Be careful, it's gone be hot.

Or, maybe it's a Yankee accent I've got.  Sometimes you sound like a Kennedy.

Foster, where's your cup?


What's on your head?


Say ear.


Or, maybe it's a Chinese accent I picked up while in China a few years ago that's rubbed off on you.


Interpreted, "I can't see anything!"

Southern, Yankee or Chinese, none of those describe the way you're saying words that begin with "s".

You used to say, S-NO, for snow.  And, S-MALL for small.  But now you scrunch your nose and blow snot out while saying SNOW and SMALL.  I don't think that's something you've picked up from me or your daddy.  But once gain, you're getting warmer.

Keeping you warm this winter has been an issue.  We have a portable heater in your room (you know, the one that has wheels!) and earlier this week you said it was scary.

"My room carry."

Huh?  What'd you say?

"My room CARRY!"

Your room is scary?  Where'd you learn that word?

"Heater CARRY!"

Your heater's not scary!

"Heater have eyes!"

Your heater does not have eyes!

Honestly, Foster, where do you come up with this stuff?

You've been wearing a "SleepSack" to bed since birth.  It's basically a zip up sleeping bag.  No sleeves.  A wearable blanket, if you will.  To keep you warm while you sleep, since you won't keep a blanket on.

(No, not a Snuggie.  A SleepSack.)

But, since you've learned how to unzip things, this is the first thing to be thrown out of your crib.  Sometimes the only thing. 

Your daddy thinks you're doing it on purpose.  To show us who's in charge.  But I know better.  You're just expressing your independence.  Your creativity.

That's why as soon as we leave the room for you to go to sleep, you stand up, unzip your SleepSack and toss it overboard.  Sometimes you proceed to toss every stuffed animal out too.  Ending with Bear-Bear.  And, you know what happens when you've realized Bear-Bear got caught up in the fray, don't you? 

That's right, you start calling and crying for me.  And, as soon as I walk in, you're all "Where Bear-Bear go?"  Shoulders shrugging and everything. 

As if.

Anyway, once I've got all your friends picked up and back in your crib, I put your SleepSack back on and that's the end of that.  You go right to sleep.

You've only been two for a month, but you're already asking, what we call in the field of child development, "W-H questions".

"Hey, what's that, Mama?" 

"Hey, what's those?"

"Where Bear-Bear go?"

Your daddy's favorite is, "Hey, what's that noise?" 

And now, he walks around the house all day knocking on walls, doors, windows, anything, just to hear you say it.

I'm not sure what the child development term is for saying "hey" prior to every question, but it sure is cute!

The other day, as we were eating dinner, you reached up to your eyes and said, "I want more eyelashes."

You want more eyelashes?

"I want more eyelashes."

I just looked at your daddy and shrugged.  I mean, what are we supposed to say to that?

First of all, you're two.  What two year old even knows they have eye-lashes?

Secondly, you're a boy.  (Never mind, I'm not going there.)

Your Uncle Steve came for a short visit this month and you really enjoyed his company.  What with going on dinosaur hunts and riding the horsey down to town.

Then you got sick, and as I write this, you have had a fever for four days.  It's a low grade fever, otherwise you'd be at the doctor's office.  But, I'd like to see if you can shake whatever-this-is on your own, without an antibiotic.  You did read the last update, didn't you?

Despite being sick, you can still be a turd.  Today, for instance, I cleaned up not one, not two, but three messes!  Not just any mess, mind you, but FOOD ON THE FLOOR messes.

I can handle the usual messes.  Toys scattered across the floor.  Sticky hands.  Runny nose.  Accidentally dropped forks.  But, we have been over and over and over this.  And you've gotten at least that many spankings.  Throwing and/or squishing food on the floor is not acceptable.  Fever or no fever.

So yeah, just prior to your nap today, you got another spanking.  Happy 25th month birthday to you, right?

It's no picnic for me either, bud.  In fact, the mommy guilt is so overwhelming that I wrote about it on my blog.  And, guess what?  It didn't help.

The only thing that will help, I'm afraid, is a good cuddle with you when you wake up from your nap.  Oh, and maybe for your fever to go away.  Yes.  That would help us all.



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